|
| NEW AND IMPROVED stories of cows, dogs, C-sections, hands where the sun don't shine, Ford F250s, etc, coming to NYC Wednesday!!!! (weekend plans will be made, fun will be had, some of it will even be remembered)
| | |
| I am currently involved in the Food Ambulatory Rotation. This means, instead of our clients coming to us with their pets, we go to them. So on this particular day, we are checking a herd of dairy cows for pregnancy. This involves our instructor palpating to date the pregnancy, then us palpating to see if we feel anything besides warm squishies, then us injecting the animal with various medications to promote a healthy gestation. To do the palpating, we enter the cow pen. Basically, 3 people all weighing a combined 450lbs amidst 30-40 cows each weighing upwards of 1000lbs. The premise is if we don't bother them, they won't bother us. But remember, my friends, we are palpating.... take that as you will. So, at this particular time, I am watching the palpations take place, while I prepare to administer some medication, when I feel a tugging on my hair. Thinking it is one of the cowhands passing by me I ignore it. Until I feel another tug and hear a "CHOMP". I whip around and am 5 inches away from a cow muzzle. Apparently, the cow had other ideas about how the food chain is supposed to work. That! or she is starting the rebellion....http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FQMbXvn2RNI . | | |
| If you google my name you get three hits.
1) is really me
2) is http://flux.comicgenesis.com/cast.htm
3) garbage
check out #2... I apparently have an interesting future reincarnation coming.
| | |
| For the past month I've been trying to sell my bed. It's a nice full
sized bed that I inherited from the previous owner, but have never
really paid much attention to. I was happy when I received two
inqueries. Unfortunately, the first sender wanted a box-spring/mattress
combo, and I had to tell her I did not have the box-spring. Two weeks
later I received a second inquery from another girl. We went back and
forth talking about price and pickup date... all the normal questions.
A week after her first email, she asked if it came as a
box-spring/mattress combo. Sadly, I had to tell her that it did not.
"Crap", I thought, "I'm never going to get rid of this thing." That
night I set my alarm for 7am, and went to bed... only to BOLT awake at
6am thinking "I DO have a BOX SPRING!" Sure enough I peaked over the
edge of my bed and saw the combo set (observant I have never claimed to
be...except that one stint where I thought I had the makings of a PI) I
emailed the girl back and we set up a viewing date for this Saturday.
Friday night, I get a phone call from the above buyer, asking to
postpone her viewing. I say that's fine and go to a party with some
friends. It was a fun vet school and optometry mixer. They were
trying to get grad students to branch out and befriend other grad
students (aww! they really care!). It was fun, and I went home where
all the drinks I had had decided to hit me at once, so I went to my
room, knocked over my birds' birdcage and went to bed.
Saturday morning I get up to my alarm at 7am becuase I have treatments
and rounds at school, to see the turned over birdcage with one bird in
it.... one bird.... (at this point take note that above I have written
birds' cage!) and proceed to freak out. BUT, I'm breakfast bringer
today so I have to leave and don't have time to search for the other
bird. Two hours later I get back home and rip apart my room. ... no
bird.... I tell everyone in my house to be on the lookout for a blue
bird. I call for her, whistle for her, ... nada (duh she's not a dog,
but I was desperate people!). After two hours of searching I give up
and turn on the tv. Now you've got to understand that my birds are
from the 21 century and enjoy their media entertainment. They will be
silent for hours, but you turn the tv on and they start chirping,
singing, bopping back and forth. So it came as no suprise when the
bird in the cage began to sing.... but what did come as a suprise was
when under my bed began to sing. I immediately got under the bed,
pulled out all my crap (two boxes full of garbage, one empty box?, a
10,000 piece puzzle)... no bird. I'm completely baffeled at this
point, until I look up and see the fabric of the famously desired
box-spring moving every few inches. I rip one of the smaller holes
bigger and as I lay on the floor half under my bed with the metal bed
frame sticking into my back, I stick my head through the hole. There,
to my right, is Buddy (apparently even birds desire the ever coveted
box-spring). She is hopping back and forth in front of my nose. I
try to reach her through another hole but instead of coming to me, she
hops away and poops.
Damn, doesn't she realize I'm trying to sell this thing!?!
So I take my nice and comfortable and freakishly heavy full sized
mattress off my bed. Flip the box-spring vertical, and while holding it
in this position with my Super-Herculean strength, one handed. I grab
Buddy with the other hand and place her back in her cage. (Yay!) I
then vacuum the poop out of the inside of the box-spring, I am selling
this bed after all.
| | |
|
... you've got to learn how to revamp your preconceived notions. For example,
- a 10 hour day is no longer "crap 10 hours really?.... REALLY?!", instead it becomes a normal time-frame spent at work.
- alpacas, llamas, cows, pigs which used to be food have become your snuggle-buddies
- a good day, becomes a day where you didn't kill anything... by accident
-
finding sh$t in your hair doesn't warrant the thought "I need to
shower, I need to shower NOW", instead you think "hmm, gotta not look
down during lunch"
- your camera doesn't hold pictures of your friends, but becomes your pus oozing, toe amputating, eye removing memory book
| | |
|
